I was working steadily over the year since February, writing, making video trailers, editing books.
Slow, because I have to constantly review things I have written.
I forget articles I have written in the past, and "Re-discover them, by accident."
Early summer, was having a lot of problems with concentration, and memory, more so than usual, and got an MRI at the Hospital in Chiang Mai.
My problem is a diagnosis of prominent cerebral sulci (i.e. Cortical Brain Atrophy.)
Typical symptoms include:
- memory loss.
- slowed thinking.
- language problems.
- problems with movement and coordination.
- poor judgment.
- mood disturbances.
- loss of empathy.
- hallucinations.
I have the first two symtoms.
So far, no evidence of aphasia, but definitely it is a bit more difficult to concentrate (I have cognitive impairment) and remember things (Memory Loss).
I have to search for words, and usually find them after a few seconds, but it is slower than, say, 25 years ago.
For example, I tell my wife, "I am taking a break from this manuscript. I need to go outside. I am going out for coffee."
She asks, "Are you going to 7-11(TM)?" (This is where I usually go for a 3-in-1 coffee packet and use the provided hot water dispenser, and red cup.)
"No, I am going to.... ( and I can't recall the name. I know it is a green sign, with a name in bold white letters... Oh, this is distressing. I close my eyes to shut out visual input. I remember being there before. I recall being outside. What is the visual? I read the visual image, and finally... "Starbucks! Yeah, going to Starbucks. I got my phone."
"Be careful."
"I will. I will be back in a few minutes."
My fake confidence belies the fact that I am crying inside because I am on this path that might be stayed through exercise and diet, but cannot be reversed. The good thing is that I have an active mind, and many experiences, so I can sort of keep the wiring going through the internal Neural network, via workarounds like the above.
Not my MRI, but this gives the Idea: (image from https://radiologyassistant.nl/)
The dark spaces are where the brain has lost function.
I took a complete month off in self-pity. I just felt the shock if this idea that my brain was no longer my ally.
But my family is being supportive. They say they will help to take care of me, if and when, and I am changing gears to reduce my stress levels, and take weekends off to do road trips into the mountains of Northern Thailand- The foothills of the Himalayas, twice a month.
I pushed back my multiple series release deadlines into a more relaxed release schedule, and returned to my stress-reducing hobby, Running Roleplaying games. This will also stimulate different parts of my brain, as I will have to use speech, cartography, reading, writing, etc.
To that end, I purchased my old Military Survival favorite, released into the newest 4th Edition: Twilight:2000I used to run the old editions, in the 80s, when the game was a hot seller from my favorite RPG company of the Past, GDW.
Not surprisingly, preparing game scenarios has been at times cathartic, as I revisit old memories of my service in the Navy. I get upset, and my wife is just there for me, as My hair goes up on my arms like an excited cat, when I tell her a short story, related much-edited incidents from the past, that happened over 30 years ago.
Thus, I am trying to shoot for a better work-life balance, spending more time with the wife and kids, but also more focussed on getting stuff done, more determination to press on, and make it, knowing of my mortality, and working on acceptance.
I am going to do a book of Maps for Free League (of Sweden)
https://freeleaguepublishing.com/en/
the publishers of T2K4, written under my Game Publishing imprint,
I used to run the old editions, in the 80s, when the game was a hot seller from my favorite RPG company of the Past, GDW.
Not surprisingly, preparing game scenarios has been at times cathartic, as I revisit old memories of my service in the Navy. I get upset, and my wife is just there for me, as My hair goes up on my arms like an excited cat, when I tell her a short story, related much-edited incidents from the past, that happened over 30 years ago.
Thus, I am trying to shoot for a better work-life balance, spending more time with the wife and kids, but also more focussed on getting stuff done, more determination to press on, and make it, knowing of my mortality, and working on acceptance.
I am going to do a book of Maps for Free League (of Sweden)
https://freeleaguepublishing.com/en/
the publishers of T2K4, written under my Game Publishing imprint, Darkside Moon Books, to be sold in Drivethrurpg.com, under the Free League Workshop.
I have multiple imprints, with the different imprints used to market works to different consumer demographics.
I am learning Word to do this editing from their provided template. InDesign might be better, it seems the learning curve is steep. I will work it out.
I am now also a Professional Gamemaster, running games for a few dollars a session:
https://startplaying.games/gm/dm-shroud-roll20
I will be starting a 5th Edition RPG campaign soon.
I am not quitting. I want a future for my kids.I am going to make this happen.
At least one book is going to come out in December. Still doing editing.
